…or so Mark Twain said and we think he was right.  One of the best things about living in the South is the sayings.  We love them so much we not only got the title of the first book, Whistling Woman, from one, we use one for each chapter in the Appalachian Journey books.

Whistling Woman, Appalachian Journey Book 1

Chapter One
A whistling woman and a crowing hen never come to a very good end

Chapter Two
She’s enough to make a preacher cuss

Chapter Three
Chugged full

Chapter Four
Be like the old woman who fell out of the wagon

Chapter Five
She looks like she was in the outhouse when the lightning struck

Chapter Six
Trying fortunes

Chapter Seven
That girl’s just naturally horizontal

Chapter Eight
That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob

Chapter Nine
Mad enough to spit in a wildcat’s eye

Chapter Ten
He looks like something the dog’s been keeping under the porch

Chapter Eleven
Like two peas in a pod

Chapter Twelve
In high cotton

Chapter Thirteen
The trail where they cried

Chapter Fourteen
Barking up the wrong tree

Chapter Fifteen
She’s resting at peace in the marble orchard

Chapter Sixteen
Scared as a sinner in a cyclone.

Chapter Seventeen
He couldn’t pour water out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel

Chapter Eighteen
He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack

Chapter Nineteen
Shucking corn

Chapter Twenty
He’s so useless if he had a third hand, he’d need another pocket to put it in

Chapter Twenty-one
Breaking up Christmas

Chapter Twenty-two
A sight for sore eyes

Moonfixer, Appalachian Journey Book 2

Chapter One
They ain’t been married long enough to wrinkle the sheets.

Chapter Two
Those young’uns could worry the dead.

Chapter Three
They ate supper before they said grace.

Chapter Four
He’s crooked-er than a $3 bill.

Chapter Five
He ain’t got the good sense God gave a billy goat.

Chapter Six
Scared as a sinner in a cyclone.

Chapter Seven
If that don’t get your fire going, your wood’s wet.

Chapter Eight
If “ifs” and “buts” were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas.

Chapter Nine
Wadn’t nothin’ between him and the Lord but a smile.

Chapter Ten
Old stomping grounds.

Chapter Eleven
Busier than a one-eyed cat watchin’ two rat holes.

Chapter Twelve
Well, don’t that just take the cake?

Chapter Thirteen
Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then.

Chapter Fourteen
She ain’t worth the salt in her bread.

Chapter Fifteen
Madder than a mule chewing on bumble bees.

Chapter Sixteen
Finer than frog hair split four ways.

Chapter Seventeen
You better give your heart to Jesus, ‘cause your butt is mine.

Chapter Eighteen
Old devils never die.

Chapter Nineteen
The mill stone grinds slow, but it is always grinding.

Beloved Woman, Appalachian Journey Book 3

Chapter One
She can just get glad in the same britches she got mad in.

Chapter Two
It’s so hot the hens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Chapter Three
There but for the grace of God…

Chapter Four
Lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut.

Chapter Five
Her face looked like 9 days of bad weather.

Chapter Six
At cross-purposes.

Chapter Seven
He’s so tall if he fell down he’d be halfway home.

Chapter Eight
Good Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise.

Chapter Nine
Hang in there like a hair in a biscuit.

Chapter Ten
As lonely as the last pea at pea time.

Chapter Eleven
As ugly as a mud fence.

Chapter Twelve
They lived so far back in the sticks they had to pump in sunshine.

Chapter Thirteen
He’s so bad off, his eyes look like two piss-holes in a snow bank.

Chapter Fourteen
It’s about as hard as trying to steer a herd of cats.

Chapter Fifteen
The room was so crowded you couldn’t cuss the cat without getting fur in your mouth.

Chapter Sixteen
There are a lot of nooses on their family tree.

Wise Woman, Appalachian Journey Book 4

Chapter One

If things get any better around here, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

Chapter Two

As safe as a tick on a hound dog with a stiff neck.

Chapter Three

He’s so confused he doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his backside.

Chapter Four

I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself.

Chapter Five

Go whole hog.

Chapter Six

Don’t let your mouth overload your tail.

Chapter Seven

What in tarnation?

Chapter Eight

Your face looks like it caught on fire and was put out with a bag of nickels.

Chapter Nine

He’s so crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going.

Chapter Ten

Don’t let the tail wag the dog.

Chapter Eleven

Happy as a puppy with two tails.

Chapter Twelve

He was mean enough to hunt bears with a hickory switch.

Chapter Thirteen

Ain’t seen hide nor hair of him.

Chapter Fourteen

You gonna have to relick that calf.

Chapter Fifteen

If you don’t stop, I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.

Chapter Sixteen

Put wishes in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up first.

Chapter Seventeen

Either fish or cut bait.

Chapter Eighteen

She’s feeling as low as a toad in a dry well.

Chapter Nineteen

She’s got enough wrinkles to hold an eight day rain.

Chapter Twenty

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saint. – Psalm 116:15

Chapter Twenty-One

She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. – Proverbs 31:26

 

 

 

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